What if

What if

The water will overflow and cause a flood, taking everything with it

What if

Everything is all I have

What if

My swimming arms get heavy with melancholy muscle, and decide to go on strike

What if

The ocean (we call it that now) decides to break the shore?

What if

The pieces that I desperately try to hold together, drift apart

What if

I cannot find the glue (or clue) within me

What if

I am separated from myself, like debris from a disaster

What if

I am (that disaster)

What if

There isn’t enough warmth to dry the land

What if

The sun –that I should salute- burns every little thing I treasure?

What if

I am not like a phoenix

What if

I am

..

In retrospect

It is trauma, he said

And made is sound as if it was all normal

But it wasn’t

Not to me

Not just then

I wear my watch 24/7, no exclusions

My watch is my lifeline

It keeps me sane

My ticking clock

Crowds no longer attract me

I avoid them like the plague

I used to be the fastest walker

Now I saunter

Watching them all steer clear of my stroll

Makes me candidate to a potential fall

And I can’t run away

Loud sounds, are shivers down my spine

Music on low or not at all

When I don’t know what’s coming

Silence is my only bearing

I never had that magical moment

Where time stood still

And all was mute

That trick of the mind

Closing-up to adjust, to cope

I’ve never been at that centre space

Where there was nothing, but prolonged time

Before the storm took hold

Instead I fell into raging sounds of breaking

And watched it all revolve

And pain, oh God the pain

I never lost it

Everything kept coming

And it still unfolds

So I wear my watch 24/7, no exclusions

My watch is my lifeline

It keeps me sane

My ticking clock

My beating heart

I am alive

..